Morosis
by RackleCrackle
Summary: Morosis- (n.) the stupidest of stupidities. A twist on the classic babysitting fic. The one where Sasuke and Naruto lose something but gain something in the end. YAOI SasuNaru. Massacre-less fic.
1. Chapter 1

**MOROSIS**

 **Summary** : A twist on the babysitting fic. The one where Sasuke and Naruto lose something but gain something in the end. YAOI. Massacre-less fic.

 **morosis-** (n.) the stupidest of stupidities

Nestled in dense leafy forest stood tall and prideful Konoha. High in the canopy above the city birds flew away squawking and scared from a screech that shattered the tranquil silence. In the training grounds scattered outside the town we meet a strange child. Rather a young adult. Age eighteen with tousled blond hair the same color as the wheat fields in Rice Country and eyes the color of sadness and the sea. He's got marks on his cheeks, with him since birth and even though he's only eighteen he's lean with all muscle but moves somewhat awkwardly. His last growth spurt made his age more believable but he lacks grace and fluidity. He's tan from all the time he's in the sun and he's currently stuck in a simple animal trap that shows his absent mind had taken a stroll and fallen down the rabbit hole.

He flails his limbs and grunts angry that he was caught off guard by the simplest of traps. It wasn't even meant to capture shinobi,...more like a deer or a fox.

He had just been curious! He swore!

Kakashi had just left his book after being called by crow to the Hokage's office. He was going to return it! But he was a smidge curious, who wouldn't be after all? And for his all his curiosities he got caught in a deer net. Huffing and twisting painfully this way and that he managed to reach for kunai and cut through the ropes like melted butter. He was dumped on the ground roughly on his face.

He rubbed his face groaning and murmured,

"Never again. I've learned my lesson."

His commotion must have attracted attention because of in the distance out of the corner of his eye he saw a disturbance among the leaves. It was subtle and silent but the movement caught his attention.

There was the sound of a rock rolling on the ground across the clearing and Naruto whipped his head, and crouched, ready to come in for the kill like a hawk. A kunai came whipping straight for his face.

 **THUNK.**

He rolled out the way just barely and the kunai pierced the tree bark, vibrating with the power.

'A distraction. Gotta be more careful.'

This person obviously knew where he was. They were messing with him, playing a one sided cat and mouse.

Well Naruto Uzumaki was no one's mouse, no siree.

He narrowed his eyes in disdain and stood proud and tall.

"Come out and fight me like a man!"

He was met with silence until Neji Hyuuga emerged from the bushes with a smirk and leaned against the tree, cool and untouchable.

"What's your dea-"

He was cut off by a war cry, and at first he thought it was a very large crow or even an eagle until Sasuke Uchiha jumped out of the canopy and blocked out the sun. He had his katana in his hand, aimed straight to slice him in half. Standing his ground he pulled out his kunai using it to block the bastards swing. The sharp metallic clash of metal on metal was loud and using sheer force he pushed the bastard back. He turned and looked back to where Neji was standing

...Only for him to be gone,

But he's not. Naruto sensed the attack before it came.

"Over here" Neji murmured behind his shoulder, byakugan activated, veins and temples alive and pulsing.

Using his arms and legs to block all of Neji's blows he left his back exposed, unable to fend off Sasuke.

"Never turn your back on your enemy" Sasuke said and he braced himself for the pain, but it never came.

Confused at the sudden stop he turned behind him, still in a stalemate with Neji to find Rock Lee standing behind him, blocking Sasuke.

"What the hell's going on?!" Naruto shouted frustrated and beyond confused.

"Oh Naruto-kun! Nice to see you on this marvelous day! Wanna spar? Us against them!? With our spirit we shall never lose against them!"

He flashed a dazzling mega watt smile that left everyone temporarily blinded.

'What the hell!'

"Yeah?" he shouted back almost more of a question but he was pumped with a dose of adrenaline.

The conversation seemed to take Neji off guard so Naruto bent his wrist and swung his body.

"Jump!" He shouted to Lee and like knocking down a set of bowling pins he swung Neji full force into the bastard, who's eyes had gone comically wide for a split second. The two hit against a tree, Neji laying across a sitting Sasuke.

"Get off" he growled and Neji gave him a look that could make small children cry. Lee pumped his fist and high fived Naruto.

"Never get caught off guard" mocked Naruto with his hands on his hips.

They stood up and both got into defensive positions.

"Ready?" Naruto asked Lee shifting into his own fighting stance.

"Ready!" Lee shouted back grinning his beaming smile at him.

Sasuke and Neji exchanged glances before doing the same.

~OoOoO~

The spar wore on with no definitive winner. Both sides had their advantages. Neji and Sasuke were both prodigies and combined they could easily take them out.

But they didn't. While they possessed strategy, Naruto and Lee could out-stamina them on every level. Their sheer physical prowess helped them keep up hit after hit. And in the heat of battle Naruto's mind could work out strategies. They stood across from each other, exhausted with the sun a bloody red when they finally called it quits. They slumped over tiredly and Rock Lee threw his arm over his teammate who was breathing to harshly to bat him away.

"Tomorrow I will do two hundred push ups and pull ups and run around all over Konoha ten times so I may develop the strength to beat you my dear friend Neji!"

Neji huffed and panted and glared.

"Yea, yea i'll see you tomorrow" he grumbled before turning and nodding to both Sasuke and Naruto as ways of saying bye before disappearing into the brush.

"But wait Neji! We must discuss battle strategies!" Lee hollered before breaking into a dead sprint after him.

Naruto sighed, it was draining to deal with Lee even in small doses. Neji deserved more credit than was given, his patients must be up there with monks and deities. He turned to Sasuke who was grabbing his kunai out of the tree bark. Naruto shoved him in the arm,

"What the fuck was that about bastard. Ambush is not cool."

Sasuke shoved him back "moron" he said narrowing his lacquer black eyes.

"How mature."

"You're one to talk. Neji and I were training together , Lee came out of nowhere and challenged us to a spar. That was coincidence, you merely got in the way."

"Since when do you train with Neji!?"

"I don't. Again, merely coincidental."

"That was kinda fun though, switch things up..."

He said going to retrieve the orange book that had fallen to the ground.

"You read?"

"It's n-nothing!? And I do read!" He said blushing a pretty pink and hiding it behind his back.

"Yea, menus. Is the cover orange, Naruto?" He said with eyebrows raised and a fake look of surprise but subtle amusement.

"Stop doing that. Don't give me that look. You know what it is."

"Stop doing what?"

"Stop acting dumb."

"I'm not acting what is it?" He said coming closer, a ghost of a smile on his pale face. It would've been a Kami-sent miracle on any other occasion.

"It's not mine."

"That doesn't answer the question."

"Icha-Icha" he just barely mumbled.

"What was that?"

He said it louder and looked away embarrassingly bashful.

"Isn't Kakashi going to be upset?"

"I was returning it to him!"

"You were?"

"You guys ambushed me! And you're coming with me!"

"No I'm not. I'm going home."

"Yes" he said and grabbed Sasuke by the wrist and started marching back to town. By now the sun had successfully set.

"And you're going to tell him that I was not looking at it and I was not stealing it!" Naruto's voice shouted in the distance, rising up into the air and into the nights starry sky.


	2. The Forest (Part I)

**The Forest (Part I)**

 **susurrus-** (n.) a low soft sound, as of whispering or muttering or a quiet wind; a whisper or a rustling. latin.

 _'Here, in the forest, dark and deep, I offer you, eternal sleep.'_

The following morning Naruto rose happily,...until he saw the blaring angry red numbers of his clock. He was going to be late, and he had a mission! He managed to quickly tug on a rumpled shirt and did a balancing act to get his pants on. He hopped on one foot and stubbed his toe on the corner of his dresser and almost fell to the floor. Naruto swore loudly and managed to just barely keep himself standing, propelling himself past his bedroom door.

Shoving his feet into his shoes he pulled on his vest and took the leftover and bitten something Ino had dropped off the day before and chugged some water. He grabbed his packed backpack (he's lucky he remembered yesterday) and bolted out of his door.

' _Shoot, Sakura's going to be pissed_ '

Running through the sparsely populated streets he kicked up clouds of dust and managed to not choke as he scarfed down what was once a muffin. The purples in the sky were starting to dissipate as he neared closer and closer to his team. Sakura was standing impatiently talking to his team, Kakashi was reading his 'book' and Sasuke was leaning against a tree looking cool and unbothered as he ignored Sakura.

"Morning everybody!" He barely managed to stop before Sakura was on him like a vulture on a carcass.

"Naruto why are you late!?" Sakura said tapping her foot.

"Sorry! Sorry! My alarm didn't go off"

"Alright children, let's go we can't waste much time. This mission is time sensitive" Kakashi said turning from them and leaping up into the trees.

Yesterday the Godaime has assigned Team Seven a mission to the Land of Forests. Sai was off doing Root-y stuff with Captain Yamato. They had to safely escort a group of villagers to the next town over. The group of people were indigenous to the area and there was supposedly a lot of hoopla about the area. The forest was supposedly enchanted.

'I've never seen a fairy before.' He had said with a shrug and Sakura had rolled her leafy green eyes at him.

The journey took a couple of days of nonstop traveling filled with Kakashi making clever jabs about Naruto and his supposedly newfound 'interest', Sasuke trying to ignore the screeches of his teammates through the forest and Sakura yelling at everybody.

Ah, Team Seven.

The village was hidden safely in the dense forest, it was denser than most but beautiful. It was somewhat difficult to manage with a setting sun but they made it just before night fall. They were not greeted but the village was significantly smaller than any other Naruto had ever seen. There were no gates but one could tell they were outsiders the second they walked past the entrance, the village was made of stone and straw and dusty streets, it was charming and whimsical. The had only walked a little bit into the village when a man approached them. He had weathered skin with happy eyes and wrinkles. He also had a long white beard and wore a black cloak around his shoulder with a cane in hand.

"Hello, you must be the escorts we requested from Konoha. My name is Mishi. Welcome to our humble village."

"Nice to meet you, I'm Kakashi, this is Sakura, Sasuke and Naruto. Thank you for welcoming us into your village. How did you know it was us?"

"You stick out like a sore thumb"

"Ah, I see" the old man smiled at Kakashi and made a gesture with his cane.

"Come, they are waiting."

Like ducks in a row they followed after Mishi and Naruto's stomach growled.

"I'm starving" he whispered to Sasuke.

"When aren't you?" He said and Sakura agreed.

"Myself and some others are heading to the next town over but as the forest is unpredictable we need some help."

"What do you mean?" Sakura asked

"The forests around here are famous for being enchanted, there's rumored to be fairies and pixies and there are old folklore that they were attracted here by the witches and sorcerers from times past."

"Witches and sorcerers?" Kakashi said mildly interested.

"Yes, it's rumored that they were the ones responsible for the discovery of chakra. The beings in the forest serve as protection to the village."

"Are they still alive? Are they good?" Naruto asked.

"Alive? No, they were wiped out years ago, and as for good or bad, well that really depends more on the individual now doesn't it?"

The group rounded around a street and were met by another cluster of people. They were all dressed similarly and eating at an outdoor bench.

He was greeted by happy shouts of his name and Mishi introduced the group, promptly inviting them to eat with them.

Before them was something like a mini feast and after a day of not eating and running Naruto almost cried tears of joy. There was a shriek of something and when Naruto turned he was faced with an infant that was eyeing him happily.

"Why hello there little guy! How are ya?" He started to coo at the baby and it gurgled to him in return.

"How old is he?" Naruto asked the beaming mother.

"My little Izumi? He's one year old."

"Wow, I bet you're gonna grow big and strong."

The child laughed at him and Naruto's face lit up.

"I think he likes me!"

"You can find common ground with infants? I'm shocked." Sakura drawled but smiled.

"Sakura-channn don't be mean" He whined

"Now, now children get along." Kakashi said making some of the adults snicker and he received a glare in return.

"I'm more interested in hearing about the folklore around these parts." He said eye in his famous half moon.

OoOoO

Naruto couldn't describe the feeling the town gave him. It was sleepy,...but not, it was off putting and looking through the shop windows and such made him curious but at the same time oddly quizzical.

"Frogs breath, for your best nights sleep" he recited from the label. He, the bastard and Sakura were in an old herbal and remedy shop, they had decided to explore a little bit after eating. There were wind chimes that served as a welcome bell and strewn across the store was insect and critter figurines. It was also overcrowded with potted plants and ferns. The little sunlight that filtered through the window showed dust dancing through the air.

"You're not actually going to buy that are you?" Sasuke asked somewhere behind him watching him and Sakura paw through the store.

"I don't know, what if it actually works?"

"What if the wizards made it?" Sakura asked giggling.

"It looks like dirty pond water" Sasuke said in disgust.

"The Enchanted Forests" Sakura said before removing a book from the selves and opened it hearing the old spine creak and groan. The pages crackled like a fire and the script reminded her of the fairy tales her mother used to read.

"See look, guys; elves, faeries, goblins, mermaids, nymphs, pixies, and they even have unicorns."

"Does it say anything on how to capture a leprechaun?" Naruto asked still browsing through the quirky looking bottles.

"Nope. How to catch a mermaid; sing an old sailor's tune, flicker your ships light three times and leave them off. Whistle for ten seconds and wait for her to come to you. Works for mermen too."

"We should try it next time we have a chance."

"Don't tell me you actually believe this stuff" Sasuke said rolling his eyes as bastard-y as ever

"Well I mean yea! If I have Kurama with me then why wouldn't a tiny little fairy exist? Have some imagination will ya?"

"This sounds kinda ridiculous, Naruto, whistle for ten seconds? Flicker the lights? It sounds like some campfire side legend. It is cool though." Sakura said. She picked up a tiny bottle labeled 'Worms Wort' and read the label before she waggled her eyebrows at her teammates. Both looked slightly alarmed, and she smirked appearing innocent as she made her way to the cashier

"What? Ino would love this"

OoOoO

The following morning they packed everything up again and the group met at the village entrance. At the head of the group was Mishi.

"Ah, good morning, I hope you all slept well"

"Yes, thank you the inn was comfortable. This village really is quite something." Kakashi said.

"Yes it's how we getcha" Mishi said whispering conspiratorially and gave Kakashi a quick wink.

The group set out together and with several lamps because even though it was early morning the town was almost a day's trek away and once you were several feet into the forest a complete darkness would descend and it was difficult to see a couple feet ahead.

It was a long process to reach the next village, painstakingly following the map and constantly checking and by that time it was mid afternoon. It was strange to reach the end of the forest, it was almost a harsh division between light and darkness.

After the goodbyes were said and they took a quick rest Team Seven was ready to go. What had struck Naruto somewhat strange was that Mishi had insisted with an alarming persistence he hadn't shown before to be careful-be very careful.

' _The forest is alive and unpredictable. Stay close and don't wander from the map._ '

They took the warning in stride and faced to turn the forest again. The forest didn't just give a creep factor in that it was so dense you couldn't see, but you couldn't see your own hand waving in front of you.

Kakashi lead them with the map in his hands. Sakura was behind and Naruto didn't want to get lost and be surrounded by complete darkness so he stayed close behind her and Sasuke-bastard was walking alongside Sakura.

"Unfortunately, there's no way we're going to get out of the forest within a day, so we're going to have to camp out here." Kakashi said.

They were each holding a lantern and Naruto didn't know how much time has passed but he couldn't help but feel something was right behind him so he would occasionally swing the lantern behind him to make sure.

"Ow! Naruto you're digging your nails into my arm!" Sakura shouted and bonked him on the head.

"Ahh Sakura! I just don't have a good feeling about this place, that's all"

"What, don't tell me you're scared?" Sasuke taunted

"Scared! No, I'm just getting some bad ju-ju from this place. Being surrounded by darkness and in a foreign forest that's enchanted just has me alert, that's all Sasuke-teme."

"It's just folklore they tell morons so they don't go stupidly wandering and die."

There was a movement in the shadows and Sasuke could feel something right behind him. It put his senses into high drive so he turned to find a white stream of light and a hideous distorted creature. Sakura and Naruto raised their hackles and he could feel himself become paler.

"Are you sure about that, Sasuke?" The voice said behind him before Sakura and Naruto yelped.

"Woooohhh!" The light flickered and waved before Kakashi's giggles filled the forest.

"Would you cut that out!" Sasuke snapped and yanked the flashlight from Kakashi hands. He refused to acknowledge how hard his heart was thumping. Naruto and Sakura looked like they were going to faint before they looked pissed.

"I thought you were some kind of ghost!" Naruto hollered and Sakura waved her fist at Kakashi.

"Would you act you age already!"

Wiping a stray tear from his eye Kakashi said.

"Messing with you guys has never been nor will it ever never get old. It's time to stop messing around this place is quite something"

With a grumbling and grouchy team they made their way deeper into the forest,

Naruto still couldn't shake the uneasy feeling.

OoOoO

Soft snores rose from above the crackling embers of an open flame. Naruto sat on the ground, it was his turn for watch. He observed the fire, it teased and entranced him since he had nothing to do. There were no animals as far as he could tell which was weird, it was only him and the fire, everyone else was asleep.

Naruto felt the hairs on his neck stand on end, adrenaline began pumping through his veins and mixing with apprehension into a storm under his skin. He was vulnerable and exposed in the light. He stood up quickly,

"Who's there?"

He fine tuned his senses and waited...nothing. The nagging sensation just wouldn't leave him alone. The silence began to turn into a high pitched beep and he was very aware of the force of blood pumping through his body.

The silence was cut off by the sound of rustling, it was a loud rustling and Naruto took a defensive stance before he realized it was much, much bigger than him. He just barely managed to dart up a tree when a giant bear came running through the thicket and stopped to observe the fire and much on the granola bar Naruto had left on the ground.

The food thief left quickly and soundlessly. Huffing in relief but feeling ridiculous for his reaction Naruto climbed down and he was surprised when he realized that none of his teammates had woken up.

His feet were only on the grass for a second before there was a deafening roar and the bear came charging through the bushes once again. Shouting in surprise at the 500 pound animal coming to make a Naruto-pancake, the ninja booked it straight ahead. Charging straight into blindness Naruto ran faster feeling the heavy vibrations shaking and gaining more ground. The terrain was rocky and he was swatted by small branches. His foot managed to become entangled in tree roots and Naruto face planted forwards, branches nicking his skin, the world moving in slow motion as he tumbled into a clearing.

He somersaulted and came face to face with the fire he had spent his whole shift watching.

It crackled and popped mocking him in its own tongue and Naruto laid on the ground waiting for vibrations or a roar but heard nothing.

"What the hell?" He said to himself, he stood and dusted himself off. Looking around from side to side he wondered if he was going crazy. _'How could I have run away from camp straight away only to end up in it again!?'_

He whirled around looking from side to side searching for something that would it all make sense. Out of the corner of his eye he caught sight of a light. It didn't illuminate the woods and a bunch of them appeared out of nowhere. Naruto was mesmerized as they danced carefree mid air with each other as if playing and Naruto could've sworn that he heard a giggle. He had heard of ghosts appearing from the dead as lights and the thought truly made his blood turn to ice and all his body hair stand straight on end.

"Guys!" He whispered up into the trees

" _Guys wake up!_ " He whispered harshly and he shook the bastards ankle. He started to stir and this slowly woke Sakura and Kakashi.

"Wha-" he was about to bark at Naruto when he realized the forest was slowly filling with illuminating spheres.

"Whoa, what is-" Sakura was going to ask sleepily when one of the spheres visibly vibrated, it made a huffing noise before it expanded and distorted. There was a popping sound before it released a blinding amount of light and exploded with the force of an exploding tag.

The sound awoke everyone instantly and Naruto realized the spheres were aggressively making their way into their camp.

"Run!" Naruto shouted as another started to contort a couple of feet in front of him. Naruto ran straight ahead into the forest without direction again. He wasn't sure if his team was following him until he saw the light behind them and heard a popping sound followed by Sakura's shout near him.

"Sakura are you ok?" He heard Sasuke shout.

"Yea keep running! I think they're following us"

"What the those things?" Sakura roared and Naruto tried to focus on not tripping or not they would all go down like dominos.

"Is everyone here? Where's Naruto?" Came Kakashi's voice seemed to come from all around.

"I'm over here!" He shouted and it was followed by silence.

"Good, I can't see you but just try to stick together, we're getting further and further away from the trails!" He said. His voice was almost drowned out by loud buzzing and Naruto almost tripped when he looked ahead to see more merrily floating towards them.

"This way!" He shouted before he blindly went left.

...Of course looking back, he would come to realize that in complete darkness not all of them would know what 'this way' was.

But Naruto kept running, he could hear footsteps behind him so he knew they were behind him. A low roaring flooded his ears and was steadily drowning out the sound of his pounding heart. The terrain was uneven with roots and he had to continuously swat away at branches blocking his way. His body suddenly came into contact with thorns that cut his skin and he tumbled into a clearing.

' _Oh no not again_ ' he thought as his world spun, he was surprised when the trees suddenly stopped and were replaced with pinks of the sky that hurt his eyes. He got the distinct feeling of free falling, he thought he was falling off a cliff,

 _So this is it? This is how it ends? Of course I would accidentally fall off a cliff! Damn it! I'm not ready I was going to-_

...until he fell face first into water. When he broke the water's surface the iciness of it jolted his senses. A sudden pain radiated from his skull he and was plunged further into the water, swallowing some in the process. Panicking he pushed himself up to the surface and began throwing the water up. He opened his eyes to a wet and battered Sasuke treading water next to him.

"Be careful, you're heavy and you hit my head" he croacked

"Shut up, where's Kakashi and Sakura!?" Sasuke growled

Naruto froze and looked full circle around him, they were in a clearing, in calm waters streaming from a waterfall illuminated by early evening sky. He looked to Sasuke and they were thinking the same thing...

 _Shit._


	3. The Forest (Part II)

**The Forest (Part II)**

 **malarkey-** (n.) meaningless talk; nonsense

"I thought they were behind us"

"Well they're not, how are going to find them?"

They trudged to the shallow end and exited, their clothes saturated, dripping, clinging and dragging down their bodies. Naruto sighed and wrung the bottom of his t shirt of water unhappily watching the small waterfall.

"Sakura has the food" Sasuke muttered darkly beside him.

"SAKURA! KAKASHI-SENSI! WHERE ARE YOU? IT'S ME, NARUTO! I'M OVER HERE!"

"That's not going to work, moron"

"What other ideas ya got?"

The bastard shut up,

"Yea, that's what I though. KAKASHI-SENSEI! SAKURA! WE'RE OVER HERE!"

"Oi, what's that over there?" Naruto followed his pointing finger to what appeared to be a hut just behind a tree. They looked at each other.

"Maybe someone could help us"

"It's better than nothing" he muttered. They made their way over to the hut and as they neared closer and closer Naruto realized that it appeared smaller than what it was. A sinking feeling took hold when he saw overgrown vines consuming the hut, broken windows and a hole in the roof.

"It's abandoned" The bastard murmured as he opened the door. It wasn't even a door, it didn't fit the frame and it swung open. The wood was rotting too. They stepped inside into a kitchen like area, everything was made of wood and there was even a table and two chairs. Naruto couldn't help but open the cupboards even though Sasuke gave him a deadpan look.

"It's worth a try" he said shrugging his shoulders. The sound of the cupboard slamming shut was followed by a noise. It was small but they both looked at each other, it was coming from another room.

They turned into what was the bedroom and stopped at the sound of whining. It was human and Naruto looked quickly in the room, there was a thin futon he would never lay on and a lantern on a night stand. In the corner of the room there was movement and another sound. Sasuke and Naruto made their way over to the chair and nestled on the chair was a basket.

A foreboding dark feeling clung to Naruto all of a sudden, it seeped into his skin and knocked against his bones filling him with an unbearable sadness. It was obvious what it was, it shifted under a yellow blanket and with slightly shaking fingers Naruto peeled it back and came face to face with big violet eyes.

The bastard stood beside him for a second before he started searching through all the rooms. Why was the baby alone in a forest? There was no presence of anything else, he couldn't feel any chakra within the vicinity.

"Who would leave a baby here?" Naruto said he looked at Sasuke with big sad eyes and he stayed silent.

"Someone could be coming back for them?"

"There's no one around, this place is falling apart. Why would someone just leave them here?" His voice ended soft and he looked down into the bassinet. Sasuke noticed that there was a piece of a paper sticking out of the bassinet next to a toy. _It must have not been here long_. He picked it up.

This peaked Naruto's attention and he looked over Sasuke's shoulder.

 _I beg please take Raiden for now. Hold onto him. I will be back, I promise you that. I will find you but I must take something in return. I cannot begin to express my gratitude, treat him well._

Sasuke remained quiet while Naruto was still puzzled. Naruto looked at the baby and it reached out for them making whining noises. His face contorted and Sasuke offered his finger to the child who he curled his hand around. He would've commented if his head hadn't whipped up suddenly.

"What? Naruto asked. Sasuke pulled away and went to the broken window.

"I thought I heard something"

Naruto looked to the child who was reaching out again he grabbed his hand and brought his finger into his mouth. Naruto was hyper aware of the trees rustling and the gust making him shiver. A feminine voice seemed to glide in the wind, it was nothing more than a breeze through the leaves but he heard it. Naruto couldn't make out what she said and he looked around the hut.

"I thought I just heard something too"

"A voice?" He asked and Naruto nodded. Sasuke went through the hut once more and stuck his head out into the forest before returning.

"What are we gonna do? We have a baby now"

"We can take it to the nearest village."

"But the notes says that she would find us she wants us to hold watch him"

"Do you honestly believe that? How is a stranger going to find us? We don't even know what she looks like!"

"I don't know she said she would! We can't dump the baby in a strange village" He whispered harshly

"What else are we supposed to do! We can't travel with it"

"It's a him and his name is Raiden, Bastard. I know you're cold and heartless but we can't abandon a baby in a strange village."

"For all you know he could be from the next village over! Use your brain, Dobe"

"Well then why would he be here? In the middle of nowhere!"

The baby began to fuss and Naruto started to panic, he began shushing him and even though his hand was wet and clammy the baby wouldn't let go.

"We don't even have a map" he murmured and Sasuke shut up and watched them.

He was well aware of Naruto being an orphan and his big stupid hero complex along with his past would make him act like that. What were they supposed to do? Bring him to Konoha? The travel was not suitable for a baby, they were searching for their team, they only had the clothes on their backs and they were sopping wet and arguing in a shack that would give in any moment.

Sasuke sighed, to at least to try to not yell at the idiot, a crying baby was the _last_ thing he wanted to hear.

"We need to find Sakura and Kakashi" somehow he was aware that they were more well equipped to handle this situation then they would ever be.

"We should at least try to set up a camp of some sort. There might be fish in the waterfall and we could make a smoke signal of some sort, if they're even near a clearing, or together for that matter."

"Don't say that, asshole"

"Look for a map" he growled to Naruto who shot him a dry sardonic look.

"Wait, we can't stay in these clothes, we're going to catch something." The thought made Sasuke's mood instantly darken, he didn't like how vulnerable they were either but they didn't have a choice.

"At least we're lucky it's not snowing out."

"Tch, at least" he said annoyed they left the hut and went into the middle of the clearing. They stripped to their boxers which didn't do much for concealment but they refused to walk around naked. Sasuke snapped twigs while Naruto rummaged through the hut for anything that was of use.

Sasuke made a small fire pit and went through the signs of his fire. Nothing happened. His brows furrowed and the foreboding feeling was slightly panicking. He went through the signs again to come to the same results, nothing was happening. He stood up quickly and call forth his sharingan only to get spots on his vision.

 _Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck_

What the hell was going on? Naruto came out, and Sasuke tried not to show his complete panic.

"Good news and bad news. I found a map, but it's faded and you could try to locate where we are but I don't think you can. I found an old spear and I also found a super old knife...What? Is there something on my face?"

"Let me see the map" he said instead, the bastard was being weird and pissy but what else was new? He turned to check on Raiden and looked through the bassinet, Naruto gave him the small dog toy to play with.

"Start the fire so we can try to catch something."

"I will"

Hesitance.

"Come on bastard I'm cold"

"If you're so cold do it yourself"

"Come _on_ Sasuke stop being a dick and start the fire already"

"...I can't"

"What?"

"I said I can't use my chakra."

"Why the hell not!?"

"I just can't! I can't even use my Sharingan."

"Please tell me you're joking"

He looked absolutely pissed and that's when Naruto realized he wasn't just yanking his chain.

He could feel that foreboding feeling again in the pit of his stomach and grit his teeth. He looked at his palm and tried to summon enough chakra to make a rasengan. Nothing happened. He could feel the embarrassing heat of Sasuke's stare on him. He tried to summon shadow clones and after his obvious failure, he threw the map on the floor.

"Dammit! What the hell is going on!?"

Sasuke massaged his temples and took a deep breath, none of this was making any sense. He was getting a massive headache. Of all people to be stuck with too...

Alright so they had a baby, and no chakra and were walking around half naked and cold.

"We're still going to have to make the fire, it could be the only way to signal Kakashi and Sakura"

"Do you think it happened to them too?" His eyes had gone impossibly wide and Sasuke sighed aggravated.

"I don't know"

The process of making a fire was hella hard when you didn't have a jutsu on hand. After rubbing a stick together for gods know how long he finally managed to spark a tiny fire. Cavemen needed more recognition for doing this. He heard Naruto give a whoop of happiness.

He fed the flame until the fire was bordering on dangerously high but at least the smoke was wafting up the sky.

Naruto had been sharpening the spear and was wading through the water trying to catch something. Sasuke was surprised there was fish considering he hadn't seen any animals.

Getting up to help, he grabbed the knife and waded into the waters.

The process was,...well...

Naruto became aggravated when he was making little progress and disrupted Sasuke's progress.

"Dobe, I almost caught something, you have to be patient to catch things"

"Well I'm trying! It's not that easy!" He stomped his foot and stuck the spear onto the ground. Sasuke had had enough, saw red and tackled Naruto into the water. Their brawl was as graceless as it was at thirteen, they tackled and smacked and bit and splashed water.

"Well you're not helping!"

"Get off me bastard! You're scaring the damn fish!"

"With you stomping in the water I'm surprised that they hadn't left the second you stepped in!"

"Well you're not doing any better!"

"I was before you scared them away"

"Well sorry I'm not perfect"

"I know you're a moron but at least try to use your brain every once in awhile!"

The baby started crying and Naruto threw his hands up.

"Are you happy! You woke him up!"

"Around you I may never be happy again"

Naruto glared and stomped out of the water. Sasuke stood still and once Naruto tried to calm down the child he noticed that Naruto's spear floating on the water's surface had a fish stuck on the end.

He almost pulled his hair out.

Naruto kept to dealing with Raiden while Sasuke kept fishing and after calming down he got into the zone and managed to catch three that were big enough. Sasuke prepared the fish and they settled into a tired silence. Naruto had let the baby out and he was crawling around in the grass, throwing the toy just so that Naruto would have to go get it.

Playing fetch with Naruto? The baby seemed smarter than it let on.

Sasuke watched them, the child could crawl but he couldn't walk and he could babble and gurgle but he couldn't talk. He fed the fire and made sure the smoke kept rising as high as it could.

They seemed to roughly share the same IQ.

After the fish was done they sat across from each other with Raiden next to Naruto. Their clothes were near the fire drying and they ate in silence. They were both hungry and it was when they finished their fish and there was one left that there was a problem. They eyed each other,

"I want it" they said at the same time. Their eyes narrowed and they both reached for it.

"I earned it, I'm the one that caught it"

"I've had to deal with your prissy ass, I want it"

"I made the fire"

"I've been watching Raiden and I found the spear and the map"

"The map is useless!"

Naruto growled and lunged at Sasuke. He grabbed him around the waist and dragged him down.

The fish crumbled, half of it fell into the fire and half of it was on the floor.

"You idiot!"

"You idiot!"

The began wrestling and tugging at each other's hair. Raiden started wailing again, and threw his toy. There was a rustling from the bordering trees that they didn't notice. It was only once a figure blocked the fire and there was a gasp that Naruto and Sasuke looked up from their fighting.

OoOoO

Kakashi and Sakura had emerged from the bushes to quite a scene. There was a dangerously high unwatched fire with clothes around it. Half a fish on a stick littered the ground and Naruto and Sasuke were fighting half naked on the grass. Sasuke was pushing at Naruto's face and Naruto was pulling his hair.

What was even more surprising was the shrieking infant flailing his arms with a giant snot bubble. Sakura gasped. Kakashi moved to stand in front of them.

His students never ceased to surprise him.

"There are only certain moments in your life-as a mentor, a guide, a role model that you look forward to, when your students grow and mature. When you've realize that you have helped to shape them into the adults you see...This is not one of those moments, I just hope you know that."

They looked up at him with wide and incredulous eyes.

OoOoO

The second Team Seven walked into her office she knew something had happened. Do you wanna know how she knew? Sakura was holding a baby and Naruto was holding a bassinet. Kakashi was smiling happily and Sasuke looked like a drowned cat.

She cleared her throat, she would give them a chance to explain themselves before she started yelling.

"Report, Team Seven. How was the mission?"

Kakashi stepped forward and gave a full summary of their successful mission. Apparently it wasn't until after the mission that...this...situation happened. Kakashi told of how he and Sakura had also managed to stumble onto a road after they fled and upon noticing the smoke signal trekked their way back to Sasuke and Naruto.

When Kakashi stepped back Naruto came forward and Tsunade noticed there were twigs and leaves in his hair.

"Go ahead" she said

Naruto retold the first night of their stay in the forest. He mentioned a bear that charged at him, which the rest of his teammates gave confused looks for and running essentially in a circle. He mentioned spheres of light and how they came across a waterfall and by coincidence the baby, and the discovery of their missing chakra.

"So you're telling me that you found a strange baby and you took him based on a note? That note could have been made up or something, you could've just kidnapped an infant!" The Hokage reprimanded.

Good grief, this squad caused her more trouble than any other genin or Anbu squads.

"The dobe would let us leave the child in any village" the Uchiha added and Tsunade looked to a glaring Naruto.

"And why not"

"Well I figured if we didn't take him who else would!? He was in the middle of a forest for Kami's sake. Someone left him there. And if there was a note saying they would find him then they left us with that responsibility to look after him."

"Let me see the note."

She read the note over and one part in particular stuck with her. She sighed.

"Well the child hs here and it is too much of a hassle to go all the way back. He's going to have to stay for now, if there really is some way the mother will find you which is very _very_ unlikely then we can't necessarily put him in foster care."

She stayed quiet and looked at the child. He was pale with dark brown almost black hair and violet eyes she had only seen on one person before.

"Bring him here" she said to Sakura who complied.

She looked over his vital signs and assessed him. He was healthy and just like any other infant at his age. He gurgled at her and she couldn't say no to a child, he was too cute. But she was feeling rather ruthless.

"Alright, I see your point Naruto" he looked surprised at her attitude change but beamed.

"Since it was your persistence that helped bring this child to Konoha, what is your suggestion in which we should approach this situation."

Naruto visibly deflated and Tsunade internally smiled. He could just tell from her word choice that she was all business, but with the hag she never was just business.

Not with Naruto at least.

"I was kinda hoping that Sakura-chan could watch over him" he said bashfully scratching the back of his head. She perked up at the sound of her name and once irritated eyes narrowed to slits, fierce with a golden glint. Growling at him, she opened her mouth and almost blew away her team with the force of shout, leaving them all spineless noodles. Tsunade was impressed, her pupil truly knew how to instill fear.

"WHAT! DID YOU SAY THAT BECAUSE I'M THE ONLY GIRL! JUST BECAUSE I'M A GIRL DOESN'T AUTOMATICALLY MEAN I'LL WATCH THE BABY! DON'T BE SO SEXIST, IDIOT! HE'S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!"

By the end of her speech she was holding Naruto up by the collar and shaking him, his eyes were X's and a snot bubble clung to the tip of his nose.

"I do have to say I agree with Sakura" Tsunade said and her student dropped Naruto and put her hands on her hips with a 'hmph.' Naruto grimaced at Tsunade and he looked like he wanted to hide.

"Since you and Sasuke are lacking chakra for the time being, Team Seven will be put on temporary leave. Sakura will be helping out in the hospital for now, so it is not logical to put the infant in her care." She could see the realization dawning on his face.

"So, Naruto, you and Sasuke will be watching over the infant."

"What!" Sasuke's eyes looked like they were going to pop out of his head and Naruto had fallen over.

"Why do I have to watch over it?" his eyes practically blazing and Tsuande felt rather satisfied with herself.

"Seeing as Naruto can barely care for himself, he will need help. You also happen to be conveniently out of chakra, so you will now have time to help out too."

"No way I don't wanna have to deal with Sasuke-bastard more than I already have to! Why can't Kakashi-sensei help out!"

"You and Sasuke have to learn to get along, after all this time I would've thought you would reach some mutual understanding but this team never ceases to amaze me. The only conflict that ever arises is between you two. I will need Kakashi for something else so for the time being so he will be unavailable. I will have Sakura check in on you on a daily basis to make sure you don't recklessly endanger the infant but it will mostly be you two on your own."

"But why!?" Naruto wailed and Sasuke was pouting with glare that would have set the drapes on fire in any other circumstance.

"Because I am your Hokage and I said so. Work something out. Get out of my office." Kakashi was smiling on the verge of laughter and Sakura was smug. The other two practically pushed each other out the doorway.

"Uh-uh-uh, don't forget the child in my office!" Tsunade hollered irriatated, she watched them silently wage a staring war and Naruto relented, returning for the child still on her desk and the bassinet. He huffed and walked out of her office.

"Ah the smell of brimstone and victory in the morning" she whispered holding up her cup, she sniffed it before she shouted,

"Shizune! Where'd you put my sake!"


	4. The Uchihas

**The Uchihas**

 **AN:** Its fluff, like all fluff, but it's necessary fluff.

 **guanxi-** (n.) a network of social connections based on mutual trust and the balancing of debts by returning favors so that the relationship's benefits are shared by all. chinese.(guan/'shi)

Keeping his composure as best Naruto could he left the Hokage tower stepping onto the bright sunlight and dusty streets with busy bodied civilians. Naruto felt the tiny hands of Raiden curl around his neck. He gurgled nonsense and his pudgy fingers pulled on one of his blond locks.

"Ow, careful there" A fond feeling overcame him, he couldn't stay mad at his cute face. He hadn't noticed that Sakura and Sasuke were waiting for him outside. Too busy giving attention to the baby Naruto walked into someone and came face to face with a not so cute face.

The bastard instantly knew how to zap the happiness out of him. He glared at Naruto and Sakura came rushing over.

"Naruto, you have to be more careful, move your hand more like this, and be conscious of where he shifts his weight" Sakura said softly and helped move his hands.

Sasuke sighed putting his hands in his pockets, "Alright, how are we going to do this?"

Naruto blinked and stopped walking, he hadn't really thought that far. He thought of his apartment. _Hmm._

"He could stay at my place"

"Ok, fine"

Sakura opened her mouth and huffed,

"Sasuke! You know better than that! You know what his apartment looks like. The poor baby would probably die"

"Wait how much space does a baby need? Not a lot right" Naruto looked to Sasuke who shrugged. _Dear God, boys._

"You're not gonna like this, but you might have to live together for a bit" she braced herself

"No thanks"

"I'll pass" They both said at once.

"I can take care of him!...We could do a shared custody thing" Naruto added

"You know I agree a hundred percent with the Tsunade-sama. You guys need to get along and what better way than a baby? Sasuke I _know_ you have space at your house. I'm not letting either of you get away with anything. And yes, a baby does need a big space." She crossed her arms and stood her ground.

The scary part was that they knew she was merciless when she wanted to be and would take it straight to the Hokage.

The thought of living with a blubbering thing that couldn't watch over itself and the baby was more than irritating. Sakura wouldn't let anything slide but she was their only source of knowledge. Why couldn't she be given leave and watch over him? The baby was animatedly watching their arm movements and their expressions,...there was no getting out of it he realized.

"What are we going to need?"

Sakura expression visibly lightened and she smiled.

"Oh, I have no clue but I'm guessing a crib? We've got to have a baby store here." An idea stuck Sasuke but it wasn't optimal, not at this point in his life, he wasn't ready. He swallowed and looked to Naruto. He started to bounce the child lightly and Sasuke noticed they had the same wide eyes.

"Okay, fine you're going to have to go to your apartment and get whatever you need. Give me the baby."

Naruto looked a little suspicious and Sasuke almost struck him.

"I need to go see what we need" he said and Naruto nodded and handed over the baby.

"Ok bastard" He couldn't help but notice the small adoring look Sakura had on her face at their interaction, she looked almost giddy. Her hormones must be going into overdrive.

"If you want I can stop by later to help you out."

Nodding to Sakura he tried to hold Raiden the same way Naruto did.

"No, slide up your arm" they both happened to say and Raiden and Sasuke appraised each other for a bit, his big violet eyes shining and a drool covered happy smile on his ruddy cheeks. He was surprisingly calm from what he had seen from other screaming infants. The body was so small in a way that made Sasuke self aware and the limbs so small. It was slightly strange to have the realization that babies were just tiny humans. Even though he knew this, the observation couldn't help but pop into his head.

He looked up to Sakura and the dobe staring at him, "What?"

"I dunno, I just never thought I'd see the day where someone met you and instantly didn't like you"

"He seems to like you a lot" Sakura giggled as his tiny hand came up and tugged with surprising strength on the tip of his bang.

"Well I have to get going" Sakura said snapping out of her daze, Naruto agreed with her and they all went their separate ways.

"Let's just hope I make it out of this alive" he murmured, walking with apprehension to the Uchiha district, Raiden was busy blissfully unaware watching the village go about its business.

 **~OoOoO~**

The Uchiha District, as booming as ever was lively and Sasuke was lucky no one he talked to crossed his path. Raiden would shift this way and that, trying to look at all the new stuff, and Sasuke eventually came face to face with his childhood home. He braced himself for the devil,

"Alright, you ready?" Sasuke murmured then scoffed at himself, he was talking to a baby that didn't understand him.

He opened the door to his house and was greeted to the aroma of someone busy in the kitchen.

"Itachi, is that you honey, I forgot to-" at the kitchen doorway with an apron and wooden spoon in hand, Sasuke's beautiful mother, Mikoto stood. She looked surprised and happy to see her son until her eyes landed on Raiden and her eyes went impossibly wide.

"Sasuke-kun, you're home,...and you brought a baby?" she went white,

"Don't tell me this is your child? Is this my grandchild? Who is the mother?! YOU GOT MARRIED AND YOU DIDN'T TELL OR INVITE YOUR OWN MOTHER?!"

"No! NO! Mom, calm down! I'm neither married nor did I have any children"

She looked confused and then she came up to Sasuke and looked at the child, grabbing his arm and cooing at Raiden.

"Then who's child is this, honey?"

"Do you have a moment? It'll take a while."

She nodded at him before she disappeared into the kitchen then lead him into the living room.

Sasuke handed Raiden over to Mikoto, who was all too happy to have him. He proceed to tell the story of how he had come across Raiden and the Hokage's orders.

"Wow, that's quite a story. And you don't know how long? And with your teammate? Oh that's adorable! Wait till Itachi and your father hear." He visibly deflated at that.

"I actually came over here because I wanted to know what I would need and if you had any left over furniture or stuff I could use for the time being"

"Of course I do, I'm going to have to go check but I saved little bits and pieces of baby things from you and Itachi for this exact moment!" she beamed and Sasuke followed her. He loved his mother dearly but sometimes she was too much.

Sasuke followed her into the attic with Raiden in her arms. She shoved a blue baby bag with rubber ducks all over it to him and proceeded to hand him random things.

"Take this, and this- and definitely take this. This will come super handy, and take this. As for furniture, we don't have a crib but we do have some other things, I can have Itachi bring by some things later."

"No!...that's fine, I can come for them myself later today." He really didn't want Itachi showing up on his doorstep, the situation was embarrassing enough.

She nodded and after quickly giving him a list of what they would need Sasuke committed it to memory. For a while after they talk and enjoyed each other's presence, it had been awhile since he saw his mother with his full schedule and his father and Itachi always working at the police station. He only left when he realized he had spent too much time there and Raiden was hungry. With an offer for an anytime babysitter he left his family house and went further in the district towards his own home.

Sasuke greatly appreciated his parents even though his father was strict and Itachi was barely around half of the time, but he needed his own space. He needed to build his own life.

He rounded the corner of his street and he spotted Naruto's obnoxious orange from a mile away. The dark, serious colors of his clan made Naruto look foreign. As he neared he noticed people giving them looks, Naruto looked nowhere similar to anybody else.

"You bastard! I would be laughing at you and how hilarious you look with that bag if I wasn't pissed! I've knocking on your door for like half an hour! What the hell took you so long!"

"You idiot stop shouting! Here, he's hungry. I managed to get some baby stuff from my mother."

"You mean Mrs. Uchiha held on to your baby stuff?" Sasuke could feel heat breaking out on the skin of his neck as he opened his door.

"Did she have your artwork saved and baby pictures? Man I would kill to see those things. I can't imagine you being anything else but an icy bastard since birth."

"Dobe, shut up you're attracting attention again. Nobody knows you're here and I'd like to keep it that way"

"Okay, okay"

"We still have to get a crib and stuff."

"Yea, yea." Sasuke noticed how many suitcases he brought with him. "How much crap did you bring?"

"I wasn't sure what to bring so I just brought all of it" he said with a shrug.

"You could've just gone back to your apartment you know that"

"Oh yea, I hadn't thought of that"

Sasuke tried to keep his shoulders from sagging. It was a little past noon and he was already wiped out in a way physical training couldn't tire him out.

"At least help me with my bags, I'm holding him"

Sasuke grunted and carried in the bags Naruto had brought. He placed his bags in the guest bedroom down the hall.

When he came back Naruto was bouncing the baby and rummaging through the bassinet for the bottle only for it to come up more than half empty.

"Great. He's out of food"

"Well we're gonna have to go get him more."

"We?"

"Yes we, I'm not going baby shopping by myself"

"But why? We can't carry him around all day"

Sasuke stared at Naruto,

"I'm not going to a baby store by myself"

 **~OoOoO~**

If Naruto was any less of a man he would've been blushing fifty different shades of pink. It was hard to ignore the burning stares of people all around. People instinctively thought they were a couple which was appalling since he was and would forever be a disgruntled bastard. The lady at the front had blushed so hard at them it was any wonder she had left over blood to help them. She then proceeded to smile at them in the adoring way Sakura had stared at them and she blatantly ignored them when they hinted they were not and would never date. So she then gave them a 'Beginners Guide to the Rewarding Journey of Parenthood.' Not refusing the pamphlet had sealed her opinion on them apparently.

For all its stupidity it was helpful, Naruto was pushing the cart trying to avoid prying eyes, distracting himself with whatever was on the shelves and Sasuke was reading the pamphlet. How he had remained oblivious to everyone else was a mystery. At a couple of times when the Bastard had gone off to get something and Naruto had been standing there a few couples had instantly started chatting him up. When they started expressing their support for 'couples like them', Naruto had wanted to die.

Once they finished the nice blushing lady sealed everything up in a scroll and they left.

"Let's never go back there, we can send someone else if we need anything"

"Agreed. We never talk about this again"

Agile as only Sasuke could be he quickly reached for a kunai and stabbed Naruto in the stomach. His stomach screwed up in surprise before he exploded into a cloud of smoke. He was going to get him back for sending a clone in his place.

 **~OoOoO~**

It was strange that Sasuke came to a silent house. It was getting late, he was greeted to the sunset streaking across his kitchen floors and gently swaying curtains. A squeal came from his living room and upon entrance he found Raiden laying on the floor, laughing with Ino and Sakura perched above him. _What are they doing here?_

"Where's the dobe?"

They looked up at him with shining eyes.

"Sasuke!" Ino greeted and sat back on her haunches.

"He's in the shower" Sakura provided and tickled Raiden's tummy making him kick his legs and spittle.

"What are you guys doing here?"

"I got out early from the hospital and wanted to make sure you guys had dinner and the baby or one of you hadn't been killed...yet."

"He's beautiful Sasuke" Ino cooed. He raised his eyebrow at her and he was surprised how well Sakura had gotten in reading him over the years.

"I couldn't not tell her Sasuke. She didn't believe me, at first"

"It's not that I didn't believe her. I was just skeptical. I mean a baby? Something like this would totally happen to you two but a baby was a far stretch." She grinned playfully at him and he grunted unimpressed, placing the scroll on the floor and undoing the seal.

"You really went all out" Naruto said from the doorway. He appeared in a towel and Sasuke was surprised he hadn't noticed him.

"It's what the pamphlet said to get"

"Pamphlet?" He tossed it to him and Naruto got a curious look on his face.

"Did someone give this to you?"

"No, it came with the baby"

"Don't be an ass, I was just asking. Did anyone recognize you?"

"I'm not sure, why do you ask?"

"What if someone saw Sasuke Uchiha shopping for baby furniture? The fangirls would either have a field day or all come hunt you" Naruto started laughing and the look on Sasuke's face made him laugh harder, his face went blank and his eyes wide.

"Naruto! Go put on some clothes" Sakura chided

"Alright, yes Mom"

Sakura picked up Raiden and followed Ino into the kitchen, where she started rummaging through his fridge.

It was then that the doorbell rung.

Curious Sakura went over, "I'll get it!"

Upon opening the door she was surprised by Itachi, Sasuke's older brother. He had a quiet danger to him, maybe it was his eyes or his aloof expression; but he stood there looking slightly surprised and horribly attractive. They had only interacted a handful of times and each time Sakura became flustered and tripped over her words, her tongue swelling and rendering her a fool. The Uchiha brothers were attractive in a way few people could be but while Sasuke was handsome, Itachi was beautiful. It gave her cotton mouth and she hadn't realized he was talking to her.

"-I'm sorry-what?"

He smiled slightly and Sakura almost turned into goo. _Be graceful. Be graceful and seductive._

"I said you must be the teammate that my brother is watching over the...child with."

"Huh? I mean-no...no it's not me. I'm just here to help out. Sasu-"

"What are you doing here" Sasuke had snuck up behind her out of nowhere and her heart jumped onto her throat. Itachi actually smiled at him, warm and amused. _It's time to go._

"Okay, here you go" she handed Raiden to him and she ignored the glare he gave him, slightly frazzeled. She had to get out of there it was entirely too hot all of a sudden. Ino poked her head out of the kitchen and secretly fanned herself and gave Sakura a look to which she just nodded feverishly to.

"Sasuke. Mother sent me over with a stroller and baby toys, I bet you could imagine my surprise when she told me that you sudden had an infant."

"He's not mine" Sasuke ground out."Is that all?"

"It seems you are having a little get together"

"I invited none of these people inside, they just come in-like termites"

"I was invited in, you dick! I don't wanna be here anymore than you want me to!" A buffoon bellowed came from the kitchen. A slap.

"I didn't invite you, Dobe. Keep that in mind"

"Naruto get your hands out of the food! And go put some clothes on"

He could practically see the lightbulb light over his brothers head.

"So...that's the 'teammate'?"

Sasuke heard the stomps approaching them, "unfortunately."

Naruto stopped in his tracks when he saw his brother still half naked and wet.

Sasuke could see the blush fighting at his neck.

"Dobe! Go put on some damn clothes!"

"Yea! I was just on my way!"Naruto snapped at him then turned and swallowed, talking to Itachi.

"Hello"

"Naruto, right?"

He nodded his head dumbly and Sasuke rolled his eyes hard.

"I wish you the best of luck when dealing with Sasuke, he can be a brat sometimes."

Sasuke internally groaned and Naruto smirked, face no longer looking constipated.

"You're telling me!"

"And this must be?"

"His name is Raiden"

Itachi smirked as his pudgy hands reached for his hair.

"Well maybe I'll stop by tomorrow, Sasuke. He seems to be a handful. I guess it's true when they say it takes a village to raise a child."

Naruto laughed and rubbed at the skin on his neck.

"Ah!...And don't worry Father doesn't know. But Mother will see to it. Goodbye Sasuke." He ruffled hair and Sasuke batted his hands away.

"Goodbye Itachi!" The girls called from the kitchen and he just smiled at them.

"I'll see you tomorrow" he said to Raiden, letting him grip his finger before he winked at Naruto and left.

Naruto was still pink by the time they went back into the kitchen. Sasuke almost struck the fool.

"Guys! Dinner's ready!" Ino said. Sasuke merely passed him off to her and finally after telling him for the third time, the moron finally left to put on some clothes.

It wasn't even a minute later, that after Naruto had shouted asking about the whereabouts of his pyjamas that he came out wearing a pair of Sasuke's.

"Heh-heh, I seemed to have forgotten mine" he smiled innocently and Sasuke scowled, feeling an oncoming headache.

So,...he struck the fool.


	5. And So It Begins

**And So It Begins**

 **bimyou-** (n.) not bad or 'meh'. japanese

* * *

"It says insert rod A into the third slot"

"Like this?"

"The _third_ slot"  
"Do I screw it in?"

"Did I say so?"

Blue eyes narrowed in challenge. "But there's screw holes there"

"You have to **insert rod A into the third slot** "

"Really? Lemme see" Naruto ripped the pamphlet out his hands before he could react and eyed them before flipping the directions upside down. He frowned.

"Sasuke, these directions are in another language."

"I know, that's all there is." Sasuke sat back and propped his arms on his knees. Building a crib was much harder than it seemed and his patience was already wearing thin. They were immersed in a mess littered with cardboard boxes and other unnecessary pieces(at least he _hoped to a merciful god_ they were unnecessary). Naruto got a strangely thoughtful expression on his face and abruptly pushed Sasuke.

' _Tch, fine whatever.'_ Sasuke's attention turned to Raiden that was sitting on Sakura's stomach. She was laying on his couch while they _at least_ build the crib. She was slightly distracted by the firefighters on the tv but the baby was playing with one of the toys Itachi had dropped off. Ino was splayed across the couch with Sakura's legs in her lap and cuddling a pillow.

Sasuke hadn't recalled inviting them or asking them to stay after dinner.

But, unfortunately, they had not made the progress he had expected, so they were at least useful for now. When Sasuke looked back to the moron, he was pleasantly surprised to find Naruto making more progress by himself in a couple of minutes than they had together, and better yet, the idiot hadn't managed to hammer a plank onto his hand. He shifted his attention to the other boxes leaning against his wall and with a throbbing headache began assembling the changing table.

Naruto wasn't sure for how long he worked but when he finally finished the crib it looked stable, and really that's all he was asking for. A grin split his face and he looked back to find Sasuke successfully finishing some kind of table.

"Hey! look" Naruto observed Sasuke and he smirked when he couldn't stifle his surprise.

"Finally" he murmured and Naruto turned his nose up at the jerk.

"Much better than you did" Sasuke gave him a dry look and went back to whatever the hell he was building. ' _Why does a baby need a dresser?'_

Shaking his head Naruto added the last of the decorative touches and smiled with his hands on his hips and clapped once.

"I have finished! Look at your brand new bed, Raiden." He turned to the baby to find him with a duck's head in his mouth utterly clueless and the girls half asleep.

"Guys! guys, wake up" Naruto smiled and nudged them.

"Sorry, Naruto" Sakura said and yawned before she kicked Ino who snored. "Huh-wha?"

"Maybe you guys should head home, it's late"

"Yeah, good idea. Wow you guys finished a lot"

Sasuke was inspecting the crib for stability, much harshly than he should've but Naruto ignored him when Sakura stretched like a cat and plopped Raiden on the couch. She looked impressed at the end result and the amazing mess they were standing in,

"Hey, what are those wheels for?",

And the beaming grin slid off of Naruto's face and onto the floor.

 **OoOoO**

Moving the crib was hard work, especially since it was so big and heavy and it gave Naruto splinters. It didn't help to have the bastard complaining about not scratching his hardwood floors, which he could have cared less for, he snorted. The girls had left a while before and his lower back hurt like a bitch but it was time to go to bed.

"Alright, how are we going to do this?"

Sasuke looked just as tired as Naruto felt and he couldn't help but wonder how long this was going to continue for.

"We should probably change him and his diaper"

Black met blue and an intense silence followed, after a moment two fists were whipped out and Sasuke's eyes narrowed just a bit.

"Two out of three?" The bastard snorted, "you wish, I want to go to bed."

"Fine" After three counts Sasuke drew rock and Naruto scissors.

"Dammit" Sasuke smirked at him, ready to leave and Naruto scooped up Raiden under the armpits.

"Wait!...so, uh...do you know how to change a diaper?"

 **OoOoO**

The process of getting the damn baby to sleep was more of a hassle than Sasuke would have liked to admit. Apparently their deal meant nothing because they both ended up having to dress Raiden.

Putting on the diaper was the worst, the first time Sasuke was almost one hundred percent sure that he put it on backwards. The second time it was not fastened right. The third time was a charm and they had just as must trouble putting on the pyjamas as the diaper. Raiden was just plain uncooperative,

...how rude.

So Naruto and Sasuke stood looking down at Raiden and met with the same passive expression.

"Are we supposed to tire him out or something?" Naruto whispered and Sasuke frowned at him.

"What? Am I the baby expert all of a sudden"

"No, but you probably know more about this stuff than me" he jerked his arms and Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"Why would you assume that, Sakura probably knows more about this than I, she works at the hospital she probably deals with babies everyday"

"Is it too late to call her back...Oooh! Maybe, just maybe she could stay with us so we can all take care of him?"

" _No,_ it's enough having to deal with something that is needy and loud and whiny _and_ a baby. Sakura is _not_ staying here."

"Fine. But I think you're going to regret it, just watch"

"Go, maybe he'll fall asleep." Naruto sighed and looked hesitant.

" _I'm_ going to bed, do as you please."

Turning sharply and padding down his hallway, Sasuke ignored the sound of Naruto's exasperation and the sound of him trailing behind.

 **OoOoO**

Raiden was not as bad as he seemed, he must of been tired because there was nothing, not even a peep from him all night. When Sasuke woke he almost forgot he had a baby in his guest room and walked in to find the baby still sleeping. Naruto's snores permeated the walls and Sasuke was surprised that he hadn't woken him.

Raiden was nothing extraordinary, in the description of his traits, at least. His purple eyes were more of a lack luster violet but the wide doe eye appearance and the shining curiosity that could only belong to infants and the simple minded(such as Naruto) combined with the fact that he was a baby made them much more endearing. His hair was a mess of simple dark brown and his cheeks were overly chubby. He stumbled with an awkwardness and he lacked grace and simple coordination...and he was also drooling.

Sasuke wiped the drool away with a small towel and left to make himself breakfast. It was two hours later that Naruto disorientedly wandered into the kitchen, bumping into the doorway with half closed eyes. There was a small human whine, and without missing a beat nor looking up Sasuke said,

"You go get him." With his sleepy stupor he groaned and swayed out of the kitchen and Sasuke scoffed at his utter stupidity.

When Naruto came back, all traces of sleep were rubbed away and Raiden's face was twisted into a grimace.

Oh, and there were the tears.

Naruto more or less shoved the bottle into his mouth and that shut him up pretty quickly. When the idiot realized that Sasuke's food was intended for Sasuke he threw a minor fit and settled with cereal. They ate in silence until Naruto looked at him from across the island and tilted his head,

"Do you think he wants your bacon? He keeps eyeing it"  
"He doesn't even have teeth, _you_ keep eyeing my bacon."  
"Yea he does he has...one, two, thr-"

"Get your fingers out of his mouth, moron" Naruto was mid count when Raiden bit down and Naruto jerked. "Ahh fuck! That hurt"

"He's just a baby" Sasuke said turning for a second and turning back to find Naruto chewing something. His bacon was missing.

"Don't give me that look we both knew you weren't going to finish that, and yes but he's strong for a baby." The bastard glared and merely went about picking up the kitchen.

"So uh, what are we supposed to do today if we can't do anything."

Sasuke shrugged, "watch him."

Naruto looked like he would rather swallow a kunai. The thought was amusing.

 **OoOoO**

At playtime Raiden sat with Naruto playing with ducks and monkeys and things of the sorts on a play barn making stupidly pitched voices, but it seemed to keep his attention long enough so he wouldn't crawl off. Naruto was on his knees and seemed to be more into the the game than Raiden did while Sasuke finished assembling the rest of the furniture.

How had he gotten himself in this situation again?

Sasuke refused to play with Raiden, that was what Naruto was for. Sasuke was more of an general supervisor to Naruto's stupidity. So when Naruto asked him to play with them, of course Sasuke said no.

"Come on, he wants you to join us"

"How could you possibly know that of all people"  
"Because he keeps staring at you, come on bastard. Don't tell me you would deny a baby"

"Clearly we don't know each other"

As Sakura had said on the mission, it wasn't surprising that Naruto found something in common with infants because Raiden started crawling towards him,it wasn't a lazy crawl either but one of those super excited ones that looked like he was a mini rocket ready to blast off into space. He sat there, at the foot of Sasuke's feet and waited. Sasuke wasn't sure how he had gotten into a staring contest with a baby but Naruto's mouth was an 'o.'

Raiden then blew a raspberry at him, it was a full blown raspberry with spit and drool. Was that meant to be offensive? Naruto plopped the duck in his face and began using that stupid voice that made Sasuke want to hit him with a shovel and bury him in the desert. Raiden's face contorted into another grimace and he began wailing. It wasn't just the kind of baby wailing that made people want to comfort it but the kind of ear splitting wailing that only came from the depths of hell and was approved by Satan himself.

"Way to go you moron, you scared him!"

"What, you're the one that won't play with him!"

"Fine. Fine!" Sasuke scooped him up and bounced him before plopping down in front of the insufferable play barn. His wailing stopped almost immediately and Naruto crawled until he was beside them.

"Ok, how are we doing this?" The scowl on Sasuke's face was no more extreme than his other ones so to Naruto he seemed to be in good spirits. Naruto picked up the pigs in the mud and began making 'oink' noises.

"You know what sounds good, Mrs. Piggy?" (the voice was deep bordering on creepy)

"What would that be, Mr. Piggy" (this voice was obnoxiously high)

"How creative" Sasuke murmured, Naruto shot him a deadly look and in the creepy voice said,

"Maybe you should be the donkey because you're so good at being an ass." Diverting his attention back to the animals he began moving them around,

"A nice mud bath sounds fantastic on this hot day."

"How befitting for you, idiot"

He thrust the horse into his hands and began to roll the plastic animals and make oinking sounds, but they looked more like they were seizing. After a while he stopped and handed the animal to Raiden who threw it.

"Go"

"But you're doing so well" Naruto glared at him and Sasuke smirked but didn't move.

"Go you dick, I went"  
"No, no one asked you to"  
"Just do it, would it fucking kill you?"

Sasuke glared and after staring him down he picked up the horse and gave Raiden.

"No, that's not how it works" Naruto took the toy and secured the toy in the bastards hand and wrapped his own around it and began moving them merrily around the stupid barn ignoring the glare aimed at his head.

"Hi Raiden, I'm Mr. Horsey-shut it bastard- and I only eat grass"

"Horses eat hay"

"Shut up you asshole"

"Anyway Raiden, I give people rides and I go 'neigh!" Naruto even got up to his knees and moved his hands as if he were being reigned in. Sasuke couldn't help but want to laugh at the buffoon.

His eyes narrowed and he leaned in closely.

"If anyone finds out about this you are so dead"

 **OoOoO**

The rest of the day was spent not doing anything but being completely worn out. Being a ninja had nothing on taking care of a baby. Raiden ended up not doing much but eating, pooping and sleeping...go figure. The midget human was strangely cooperative for the whole day which was a blessing in itself. Naruto wore him out fast and Sasuke was strangely grateful he wasn't stuck being his playmate even though he had to clean up after him.

That afternoon Raiden hadn't been finished when he was changing his diaper. Sasuke would've gotten a face full of pee if he hadn't darted out of the way, but he still got it all over his hand. The trajectory of it was incredible though.

 **OoOoO**

Itachi showed up before dinner time and at first Sasuke had secretly hoped it was Sakura. Naruto, the dobe as ever answered the door and he wasn't sure if it was an infatuation or intimidation but he began blubbering like a fool-again.

"So how's parenthood treating you?"

"It's only been two days" Sasuke said puttering around the kitchen for something to make.

"Well ok then how was today?" Sasuke grunted.

"What did you do? Mother is very interested in your affairs, Sasuke"

"We played with barn-yard animals, if you're so interested. Bastard was the horse" Naruto said with his irritating bravado.

"Was not" Sasuke hissed and his brother raised his eyebrow.

"Wanna hold him?" Naruto asked and Itachi nodded, smiling at Naruto and making him grin like an idiot. Raiden appraised Itachi for the second time and it was a big mistake for Itachi to stand him up in his lap because he immediately latched onto his ponytail and pulled. He even brought it into his mouth.

"He must like you" Naruto chirped and Itachi looked a vaguely overwhelmed which made the simpleton laugh.

"Well he does seem to have a lot of energy" and just as he said that Raiden gurgled excitedly and flailed his arms.

It was then that Sakura and Ino came barging in again and Sasuke thought of changing the locks since apparently privacy meant nothing anymore.

Both girls stopped by the door for a second and became somewhat flustered,

"Hello, ladies" Itachi was fully aware of the effect he had over people.

"Hello" they muttered in unison and seemed to melt seeing Raiden bounce in his arms.

"How did today go?" Sakura said putting takeout containers, the idiot whooped.

"We didn't do anything but he's got too much energy " Naruto said eating straight from the containers and getting a disapproving look from Sasuke and merely flipping him off.

"Well that's what babies do" Ino said pinching his chubby cheeks.

They lapsed into easy conversation, each talking tid-bits of the highlight of the day and how theirs was covered in food and pee. The image must have been very amusing because even Itachi laughed a bit and the girls almost passed out from the force of their nosebleeds.

"Tsunade-sama told me to tell you that there will be an investigation done into the situation"

A silence overcame them and Naruto nodded, sighing in relief. "Thats awesome news." Sasuke didn't say anything.

 **OoOoO**

If there was one phrase no one has ever said it would be 'I wish this baby was less quiet.' Because that was a lie, it was impossible. After dinner and several more nosebleeds Itachi had gone home hinting that the bastards mother was pretty close to moving in with him to 'assist them.' Ha, the look on that poor bastards face. But right now that didn't sound like such a bad idea. Bedtime had gone smoother than yesterday but once Sasuke and Naruto were about to leave Raiden started crying. It was uncooperative, 'Im being killed' crying and wailing and there _nothing_ was working to shut him up.

' _Why God, why won't he sleep!?'_

They had tried everything, bouncing, burping, feeding, checking his diaper and checking to see for some kind of harm done. They had reached the conclusion that Raiden, was just being a dick and screaming his head off for no reason other than he could. Every time they would try to step out the door he would cry harder so they had to settle. Naruto made stupid funny noises and Sasuke bounced him until he quieted down and started to nod off. They eventually managed to put him in the crib, but the midget human was just not having it and started crying again once they were almost out the door. They can hear your thoughts and smell your desperation it seemed. This resulted in another hour of bouncing and faces until he finally fell asleep.

Sasuke and Naruto slowly tip toed out of the door until a toy was stepped on. A look back resulted in a Naruto with limp hands held close like a kangaroo, his foot on a toy, and the expression of a five year old caught stealing. Sasuke's face promised eternal pain followed by a trip to hell and Naruto froze. Once they were out of the clear Sasuke smacked the dumbass upside the head.

"Ow, you dick. Babies don't have great sense of sight, stay still, don't move and they can't see you."

His logic was lacking as always so Sasuke almost hit him again but shook his head and stalked off to his room. Naruto rolled his eyes and remembered something, following Sasuke down the hallway,

"Hey, can I borrow some pyjamas?"


End file.
